Tuesday, February 26, 2013

My personal weight loss story


There is no secret about the fact that I've lost going on 45 pounds since last January. Looking back it was so easy putting on all that weight and it was absolutely more of a challenge getting it to come off. I have no idea why its so much harder to loose weight than it is to gain, but I never really realized how much I had gained until I tried to get it off. I get a lot of questions from customers at my work who have seen me loose my weight. There seems to be a reoccurring question that I get more often than not, "How did you loose your weight?", as if its some secret that I'm keeping from the rest of the world. Like I discovered this weird diet like eating nothing but kale and skittles. Who knew? 

Honestly, I ate so badly for so long that I didn't know what a proper portion was. I remember eating to the point of immense discomfort because I was so full and then 20 minutes later I was still wanting to eat. I never really felt satisfied and I think it was because I was eating to numb pains inside of me and food was my medicine. I had gotten myself to 196 pounds and I was really struggling with that number. I think I wanted to be ok with it, but I knew deep down that I really didn't like myself, and Id never like myself if I was at this weight. Im jealous of girls who are proud of their plus size figures because Id love to be right there with them. I love food so much and I really liked having some womanly curves, but my problem with my weight was all mental. Why I gained and why I was using food to comfort myself. 

I finally hit my breaking point and Ill never forget it. I had made dinner for Nathan and I had gone all out with a big meal. I think it was some sort of baked chicken with mashed potatoes and vegetables. I piled my plate so full and I ate every single bite. I remember looking down at the plate and feeling so insanely full and completely angry with myself for eating all that food. I felt these feelings of being out of control. I couldnt choose to not eat. I needed to eat and to feel that feeling of full and to taste every delicious bite for as long as possible. I hated myself, my body, my inability to stop. 

The next morning I decided I was done. I was done feeling bad about myself and depressed and I needed to change. I got up and signed up at the gym and worked out. I went to the grocery store and bought all new food for the house. I signed up for Weight Watchers to try a new eating plan and I decided to take it day by day. Weight Watchers got it all started for me. They taught me how to eat again and showed me what a real portion looked like. I felt self control and allowed myself to feel hungry. Coming home from the gym feeling sore and sweaty was like a new high for me instead of feeling so full from eating.

I started at 196 pounds and I set my goal to 150. Currently I am weighing in around 153 which blows my mind. I remember setting my goal and thinking, "yeah right Carly, that's impossible", but it wasn't  Ten pounds seemed possible. 20 pounds seemed like a lot of work and 30 pounds seemed like I was never going to eat again. It was scary to face the fact that I could completely fail at loosing the weight and I think that is what kept me from starting for so long. I didn't want to work so hard and put so much effort into loosing weight and not see it come off. I think what my secret ingredient to my success was determination. I was determined to change, to feel better about myself, to be different. That cookie or candy or beer just wasn't worth the few seconds of pleasure like seeing the pounds coming off had. 

I started with Weight Watchers and I had great success with it, but I was honestly only using the program consistently for a few months until I got my routine down. If you follow the program like its meant to be followed you don't really track points after a while. I used it more as accountability. Knowing every Monday I was going to get on the scale to weigh myself and track my weight for the week online. About 6 months in a cancelled my subscription with them and just lived my new life.

I still have a huge fear of gaining my weight back. I'm scared that Ill slowly have less and less control and pound after pound will come back on. I feel like when you loose a significant amount of weight people are always waiting to see when you start putting it back on. Like its expected the weight you lost will be gained again eventually. I cant let that fear trap me into justifying using food as a dependency for my insecurity. I don't think my weight loss experience will ever come to an end because I'm sure it will be a battle I fight forever.

I really wish I had a full body picture of myself at my heaviest but I hated being in front of the camera at that point. I know there were some pictures taken of the at Christmas right before I lost weight but I think they got lost on my parents computer that crashed. I considered taking a "before" picture of myself the morning I had decided enough was enough, but the fear of failure inside of me won. I couldn't stand having a picture of myself wondering if it was just going to end up taunting me about the fact that I couldn't do it. 

I dont know where else to document these other than here. I wish I had done a better job of keeping track each week taking a picture of how my body was changing but like I said the fear of failure always held me back a little until I really started seeing real results. 

If anyone has any other pictures of me from October 2011 to January 2012 Ill gladly taken them as a great reminder of how far Ive come! Please send them to my email. 

Here we go!

 I think this was around October 2011, still had not hit my heaviest.

 My birthday January 2012, at my heaviest.

 February 2012. I had already lost about 10 pounds.

 April of 2012. I think I was around 20 pounds down here. 




May of 2012. Not sure how much I lost at this point.

August of 2012. 

August 2012. 35 pounds down.

September 2012

December 2012

December 2012

I haven't really lost much more since December, maybe just a few pounds. Id love to be down to 145, I think that would be my ideal weight, but right now I'm more focused on staying on track and getting more fit at the gym.

Share your success stories with me or let me know if you have any additional questions on what worked for me. I encourage anyone out there who desires to loose weight to really sit down and set a whole day aside to getting everything prepared to start your weight loss journey. It put my mind in the right place to close the door to weight gain and open the door to weight loss and not look back.

This week I'm going to share some of my favorite snacks that have helped me reign in my hunger between meals. Keep an eye out!


2 comments:

  1. Loved this story! Thanks for sharing. I noticed I have lost site of portion control as well. Loved all the healthy snack tips as well. I recently downloaded a calorie tracker app and have been trying to eat more healthily.
    You look amazing!

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  2. Is it the Lose It app? I tried that one but I get so tired on having to track every single thing I eat. Thats why I like Weight Watchers, because some things dont cost any points at all.

    Ill have to give it another try. I know its a lot of work at first but once you get your routine down a lot of that initial work doesnt apply anymore.

    Thanks for reading!

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